As I stalked old friends on Facebook this morning (whatever, don't pretend you don't do it, too), I came across someone catching up with one of their old friends. He said, "Yep, I'm married and we have a baby daughter with another boy on the way. Sometimes we even shop at IKEA. Pretty much the boring suburban life."
A close friend of mine just gave birth to her second baby yesterday. My best friend is due within the next several weeks. Despite this, it took reading the above message for me to feel, if only for a few seconds, that maybe I wanted the same -- a "boring" suburban life. Settled down with a partner and *gasp* kids??? (Well, maybe not so much the kids part, but it was a nice thought.)
Suddenly, I felt very alone here in South Korea. What am I doing? Why aren't I doing the things "normal" 31-year-olds do? And then, I remembered: I DID do (some) of those things, or at least pursued them for a bit. I steadily worked in a 9-5 job for several years, attending happy hours with friends, and, ultimately, wondering where my life had gone. Was that all life had to offer? Were my dreams of traveling forever banished?
Turns out that, no, my traveling dreams and career opportunities were not banished, nor do I have to ever wonder where my life had gone. Now, my life is right here - I'm doing what I've always wanted to do. Yes, my choices sometimes afford me some loneliness... but I can't return "home" to plug away at a life not meant to be mine. My life-partner will emerge as I'm living the life I'm happy with. She'll come across my path as she's living the life she's happy with. I just have to remember that. And with the invent of magicJack and my newly acquired Skype account, keeping in touch with family and friends will be that much easier.
But, after visiting my family last week, it's still hard. As independent as I am, it's hard to miss out on best friends giving birth to their first (or second) babies. It's difficult not to be present for their weddings.
There's a balance to be had, I know, between work, family, and friends. It's just a little harder to maintain it being 8,000 miles away. But don't get me wrong, I still wouldn't trade my current position in life for anything else.
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I love and miss you Suzi! *I feel very special having been mentioned in this blog :)
ReplyDeleteI feel some of what you are going through. Even though I am married and have two little ones. It's difficult living 3000 miles away from the rest of my family and all my close friends. I feel like I miss out on a lot...