Birthdays have usually been a time of contemplation and reflection for me. I've never been a huge "birthday" celebrator, but the year of age 30 was one HELLUVA year and I fully feel justified in celebrating the next year. On the one hand, admittingly, it's slightly scary to be fully entrenched in my 30s (although, according to subject matter experts, you're only fully entrenched once you reach age 35). On the other hand, age really is just a number... unless you're in Korea. Wait. I'm in Korea. SHIT! According to them, I'm an old freakin' maid destined to the bowels of society with absolutely no chance at love -- ever. Hmmmm. Bummer.
Although the Western world is slightly more forgiving for aging without having yet secured the time-honored tradition of a life-long partner by age 31, I am still surrounded by and reminded of societal "expectations," if you will. So many friends are engaged or already married. A few are sporting children or are have them in utero. WTF! What happened to slurping Snoopy Sno-Cones on the corner of Pinehurst St. condeming the conventional life that was destined to be forced upon us? (Ok, fine... maybe I was the only one bitching about convention, but I certainly wasn't alone in slurping Snoopies!)
This birthday is especially contemplative considering my current residence. One year ago, coming to Korea wasn't even on the immediate radar. Looking back, it seems that the *slight* chaos that consumed my life was creating the perfect situation for me to finally follow through with my plans to teach abroad. (For those of you in the know, I'm sure "*slight* chaos" is amusing to you.. as it is to me... !) Regardless, you never know what will materialize in life. What appears as detrimental one second manifests into the best freakin' thing you could ever imagine.
There was a time when I sought answers for impossible questions... not "Why am I here" or "What's the meaning of life", but rather, I wanted concrete explanations for certain events that have occurred. And that's just not the way life is. Life is messy. It's complicated. And really, I don't need to have all the "answers" ... Where I've been is where I'm coming from, but I'm certainly not chained to the past. As a great philosopher whose name escapes me at the moment said, "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."
And I know, the life I'm creating for myself has long since been waiting for me. I might have mixed feelings about turning 31, but it is absolutely never too late (at any age) to live the life you've dreamt of. Maybe I don't have a pension plan right now; maybe my student loan debt seems to be on par with the national deficit; but bump it, I'm living life on life's terms and creating a world in which I'm happy to inhabit.
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