I *heart* being groped... by Korean men

So here's an unexpected twist to my relatively mellow day: I was groped by my Korean landlord. A few times. I returned home after work and dinner with friends, dropped my bag off, and immediately headed back out into the seemingly neverending freezing rain to grab a bottle of water from GS25 (Gs 25 = 7-Eleven).

Halfway across the road, a man approached me. He looked vaguely familiar and I remembered, "this is the dude that "installed" my fire extinguisher a month ago." Talking in Korean, he graciously offered me a bite of his fried and battered corn dog (oh so appealing) to which I politely declined. I got the impression he wanted to show me something in my apartment, so that's where we headed. As he talked, he gestured. Frequently, his finger or hand would brush my breast. The first time it happened, I didn't pay any attention. It happens to everyone. The second time, I thought, "hmm, that's uncomfortable." And the third time, I almost decked him. Thereafter, any time he raised his hand to gesture, I danced around the room to avoid any contact. It didn't always work.

Fast forward: we're inside my apartment. He talks to me as though I understand, which truly, I think is great. He's so patient, and with an almost childlike naivety, I think expected me to just "get it." He's really rather nice. But with what could only be a blank stare, confused smile, and nervous laughter, I finally said, "I'm sorry. I have no clue what you're saying. You have no idea what I'm saying. Let me call a friend." (Flashback to using lifelines on the horrid TV show with Regis, I think... what the hell was it called? Something about being a millionaire?) Anyway, I called a Korean English teacher and she got on the phone with the guy.

Translation: Suzi, uhhh, I think he's really intoxicated. You should be careful because, you know what I mean, you're a girl. But anyway, he owns the building and just wants to say he's happy to be renting to you and that other residents say you're friendly (I do say "annyeonghaseyo" whenever I meet one). He also wants to make sure you're taking care of the place, blah blah blah. Oh, and don't touch the sprinkler in the kitchen that will put out a fire should one occur."

And that was it. Oh, wait... not so much. After hanging up, the landlord STILL stuck around...even after I opened my front door and basically said, get the hell out, dude. We're done here. Politely, of course. No, no. There was much more to be said and many more inappropriate hugs to hoist upon me. I think, though I can't be sure, he told me not to dry my clothes where I currently hang them. Somehow, he hugged me again, but this time, he pressed himself up against me and wouldn't let go (previously, he pushed up against me right as I dodged the clasping of his arms). Crafty little wrangler I am, I withered myself from his grasp and headed to the front door. STILL, he tried to stay. More talking. I think he professed his undying love for me. And then told me not to tell anyone. Charades really is an international language.

Fast forward: Second phone call to Korean English teacher friend. "Ahhh, friend, this guy is still here... can you find out what he's saying.?"

Translation: "He says you are very pretty and nice. He's very attracted to you. Do you know what I mean?" Uhhh, check. Got it. The manhandled hug cemented it for me, actually.

Meanwhile, my landlord finally left. Let me be clear, yes, the guy was drunk. Sure, he groped me. But he was so nice! I understand that saying how nice he is makes me sound like a total jackass, waiting to be a victim kind-of-girl, but that's not it at all... yes, I was creeped out, but I was never necessarily worried. A little creeped out, yeah. A little dirty? Yep. Even slightly violated. Fair enough. Had this EXACT same situation happened in the States, I would have called the cops instead of an intrepretor! Here, ahh, no worries. It's just a little soju. We all do insanely stupid shit when we drink soju. I'm sure when this guy is sober, all will be well with the world. And more importantly, he won't press his body against mine and touch my boobs. Because Buddha help him if he does... :)